| moved... |
[Feb. 17th, 2008|06:11 pm] |
|
hey guys... i have continued my blogging here: http://dot08.wordpress.com no, i will not delete this account for archiving purposes. hope to see you there. -------------------------------- try WINDOWS LIVE WRITER, fellow bloggers. |
|
|
| back to normal [hopefully] |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|03:19 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | idina menzel | ] |
yesterday's sagala ng mga sikat was, i don't know, cathartic [???]. standing/sitting there inside the nicely decorated 'float' made me think of a lot of things while 5-6 of my classmetes try to push/move the float. i don't know. basta.
COFRADIA. the parent story of kampanerang kuba.
basta.
WW3 is over [HOPEFULLY]. Iraq gave America a nice yellow flower and they made up. yippee!!!
i don't have any significant blog-deserving thoughts. maybe in the next few days. i just want to keep these inside my head first.
ps: acads life going to hell. HELL MONTH ito, hindi week.
pps: I Stand rox my sox.
i've always
counted all my blessings
knowing you'll defend me
stand by my side
i always turn and lose my senses
each time i intended
words to come out right
where do I i begin my love? |
|
|
| lessons learned |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|09:35 pm] |
ang hirap mag 'rise above' talaga. kahit sa anong pagkakataon.
it's really hard to grow up.
do you leave your optimism and 'colorful/funny/beautiful' dreams behind? because, from what i've observed so far, they don't really mesh with reality.
world war 3 nanaman dito sa bahay kagabi. sa totoo lang, sanay na ako dun, ang pinoproblema ko lang kasi ay si chai at babbe. i don't want them to look back to their childhood 'memories' and remember this. this is not an ideal family, i know, but i love this family. i love my family. hinding hindi ko sila ipagpapalit.
pero, there are times when i wonder kung ano ba talaga ang totoo. at kung ano ba talaga ang papanigan.
these are the moments where you realize what reality really is.
maturity: age? grace? personality?
ps: i hate CORE subjects. oo na, panig na ako sa curriculum change. SIGE NA!!! BIGYAN NYO NAMAN KAMI [amf majors] NG SUMMER VACATION!!!
oh, some pages turned,
some bridges burned,
but there were
lessons learned. |
|
|
| backward dreaming |
[Feb. 6th, 2008|12:13 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | wasted -carrie underwood | ] |
i would really like it if someone would give me a Curta calculator as a gift on my bday. haha, i know. math geek eh.
wishing nanaman. haha. [no, seriously, hanggang wish lang talaga yun, because it costs min Php50000 each].
as of 9.19pm, i officially became cofradia for friday's sagala ng mga sikat. ang gulu-gulo talaga.
at wala akong ginagawa for english. woohoo. |
|
|
| unfitting title |
[Feb. 5th, 2008|03:28 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | thoughts | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | alone -carrie underwood | ] |
they say that you'd find your place in life, your niche, in college. well, it's either this or that. i hope i'd find mine soon.
i've never been insulted and discriminated that much in my life.
oo, sabihin na nating hindi ako ganoon katalino. sabihin na rin natin na ako ang pinakatangang tao sa buong mundo. sige.
kung totoo man ang mga nakasulat sa itaas, tanggapin mo na. tatanggapin ko na rin. but that doesn't give you the right to deprive me of my rights as a student and as a human being.
wala kang karapatan na gaguhin ang pinaghirapan ko for 2 days at sabihin sa akin "did you even think about this?". you don't even have the right to tell me that that is "shit" and call me "tanga".
you don't have the right to question my beliefs or assume that i don't know anything, because you don't know me.
is it my public high school education? is it my not-so-'sophisticated' appearance?
hindi ako TANGA. nakapasok ako sa pamantasang ito, hindi ba? wag na wag mong insultuhin ang edukasyon ko. pinundar ko to ng dugo at pawis ng sarili ko, pati narin ng mga magulang ko.
i will never understand how this kind of 'community' works [komunidad ba talaga to?]. kung hindi lang sa scholarship na ito, at kung hindi sa bwiset na non-confirmation ng application for the other school, wala na dapat ako dito.
i came here to learn and to develop myself as a person. as a Catholic. bilang isang taong marunong kumilala ng tama sa mali.
ayoko na magsalita o makipag-away sayo. kasi hindi talaga kita kilala. hindi ko kayo talagang kilala. kasi alam ko rin, sa kinatatayuan natin ngayon, kahit hindi ko pa buksan ang bibig ko, talo na ako. who am i to even talk/argue to/with you about this?
kilala ko ang sarili ko. hindi mo kailangang idikta kung ano dapat ako.
i am who i am
deal with it.
i may not have the fortune to buy nice things or the upbringing of, what did you call it, a "sophisticated" environment. all i have to pull me through this is my family.
sige lang. ipagsigawan mo lang ng walang pakundangan ang aking 'katangahan' sa mundo. you may have shouted about my 'ugliness' and my 'stupidity' to the heavens and to the whole world, at least i have the decency not to talk [even whisper] about yours.
---------
okay, back to work.... |
|
|
| thankful for safety |
[Feb. 4th, 2008|04:06 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | perfume and promises -idina menzel | ] |
saturday: sagala work. flowers flowers flowers.
sunday: mommy and daddy's wed anniv. went to bulacan. traumatic experience.
thanks to Anyone Up There for keeping us safe 'til we're all home. i swear i will never go there again.
monday[today]: president's day [admu]. no classes. supposed to be down at AK's for the sagala thing, but mama and papa won't let me. =( i hope they're not angry.
PROCRASTINATING!!! grabe.
math + eng = duguan.
i don't know. meron pa atang occuring identity crisis sa utak ko. nakakaasar. nakakafrustrate. argh.
nakakatamad tuloy gumawa ng anything. basta.
hindi na dapat tamarin.
i'm just telling that to myself, hoping that somehow it will enter my brain.
basta. |
|
|
| hell week tres |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|10:55 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired. | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | apres moi - regina spektor | ] |
akala ko pa naman natapos na last week.
at least i'd have a three-day weekend coming up [president's day on monday].
i do not have a phone as of the moment. hahahahahaha.
which is why i need HTC SHIFT!!! laptop/tablet/pocketPC/phone all in one. i want that.
hanggang want lang.
ugh. magbabasa pa ako ng fil, aral ng math, notes for eng, an ANAL-paper for lit.
don't have anything to blog about what happen this week. kasi umiikot ang mundo ko ngayon sa acads, tulog at pagkain. isama na rin natin ang bwiset na pagko-comute dito sa pilipinas.
my legs are killing me.
my therapy for this hectic week? american idol. hahaha.
will have to write something more substancial than this by tomorrow or so. =)
don't be fooled. this is just as big as a book. or a medium-size notebook. waaaaah. it 'slides' to reveal the keyboard, and the duality of phone/laptop functionality is powered by TWO processors[qualcom and santa rosa, respectively]. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
ibebenta ko na laptop ko for this!!! |
|
|
| ang misteryosong MS K |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|09:21 am] |
oo nga
sino itong Ms. K na ito na, sabi nila, ay gumawa ng layout...
ginawa niya ito???
 
WAAAW!!! ang GALING niya!!!
ps: sa totoo lang, ayoko na makigulo. basta. nakakaasar eh. basta. basta. basta.
i just hope maayos na itong gulong ito. tama na ang mga pagtatago at pagsisinungaling.
nakakabwiset lalo kasi hindi ako makapag-concentrate sa pagbabasa for my programming quiz tomorrow kasi naloloka ako dito!
nasa kolehiyo na tayo. kung tutuusin, hindi na nga natin dapat isipin ito, i.e. naiayos dapat ito ng maayos noong maaga pa [june-august, pwede pa siguro].
wala rin siguro akong karapatang magsalita, kasi, sino ba naman ako? ako lang naman ang isa sa mga nagpakahirap sa paggawa nitong mess of a project.
i don't wanna say anything makakasakit, kasi, lahat ng kilala kong involve dito ay hindi ko naman talaga kilala, either hindi ganoon ka-close or nagpapakita lang behind some kind of facade.
ay basta. basta. basta.
keeping my silence. *ziiiiiiip*
|
|
|
| returning |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|12:14 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode, thoughts | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy tired | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | samson -regina spektor | ] |
nandito na si Papa. woohoo!!! 7am. with a new tv and a cellphone for chai =)
si JR ay nakabalik na rin. with my strawberry wines and strawberries.
san ka ba makakabili ng original na N80 for only ~Php 6,200? eh di sa singapore. haha. merong wifi, pero ayoko talaga interface ng nokia eh.
meron pang bagong video card and memory. woohoo. :)
hindi na ako nagpabili ng kung anu-ano. sabi ko, sa august nalang. haha. madi-distract lang ako eh.
birthday party bukas ni babbe. dudumugin nanaman kami ng mga makakating kamay at malalakas na boses. siyet. ang liit liit na nga ng bahay namin eh. saka, sa tingin ko, punta lang sila para sa 'pasalubong' [ka anu-ano ba namin kayo, ha?! feel nyo naman... kami nga walang pasalubong eh.]. ayoko talaga ng mga ganung tao, yung tipong hingi-hingi, freeloader. tingnan mo, bukas, ang daming 'inaanak' ni papa, kasi maraming humihingi. as in humihingi talaga, yung walang hiyang "tito, may pasalubong po ba ako?" pero hindi naman namin siya ka anu-ano. palaboy lang na kapitbahay. ang gago talaga. nakakabwiset. porque ba galing ibang bansa, meron ng mga ganyan? ni hindi nga makapagbayad ng tuition fee si papa eh [kaya nga kami scholar eh]. nakakabwiset talaga.
tuwang-tuwa siguro ngayon si jm sa kanyang bagong PSP [nagpabili si tito jaime kay papa]. =)
tuwang-tuwa rin ako for the coming weeks. we have almost a month to be together as a family. ngayon ko lang din naisip na wala kaming picture na kaming lahat. haha. kinakailangan na rin pala ni Papa ng salamin [matanda na siya! haha].
i love my family. =)
pagod na pagod na ako. tata.
ps: i love american mcgee's alice. hindi yung game, yung soundtrack. ang creepy, pero maganda!
pps: what we have to do for 2008: goodbye DVDs, hello BD!
ppps: hindi ako nakapag-buklat ng kahit isang libro. shame shame shame. bukas, pramis!
pppps: tangnang yearbook yan. 350? ginagago talaga kami. magpapakuha na lang siguro ako. |
|
|
| some thoughts part deux |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | thoughts | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | frou frou | ] |
excuse me
too busy
you're writing your own tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble-wrap
when you've no idea what you're like
so, after ng napakahabang ranting [see post before this], it got me thinking [kelan ba hindi?].
life is like gravity. what goes up must come down. sa math, parang sin/cos function. sa physics, oscillation. waves. curves. ups and downs.
there are many things that you can get from these 'ups and downs'. very different things. you start at the beginning, the middle ground. it depends on how you first move forward. in my case, it's upwards. pataas. going to the almost-heavens.
there are a lot of things you can see from 'above'. you start to think you can have the world, that you can conquer it no matter what obstacle is in front of you. you start to believe that you are at the peak of this height. you become this 'invincible' being of lightness. you are free. you don't feel possibilities, because, in your case, it happened already. everything is you and yours.
but then, there is no inspiration in this 'height'. there are no more possibilities. there's just your existence and its perfect state. you can't see how the other side moves because you can't undermine them. there's nothing to write or contemplate about in this height. what would you write about? how good you're life is? how love is the finest wine you've ever tasted?
that's not real life.
it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
down here, you see everything. no, there are no illusions, no clouds to blind your eyes, no lies. you start to discover what life really is, and, with that, you start to discover yourself as well. your discriminations, prejudice, selfishness, lies, wrecked dreams, unfulfilled. half-glass full. never satisfied. never ending. a kind of torture. a little pain.
but, despite that pain, there's pleasure. everytime you rise, you can give yourself a pat at the back that you survived it. you see hope. encouragement. you see yourself as someone with scars, a hero who came back from the battle, witnessed how life can be so delicate. how humanity moves with it. how society bonds to live. you came in contact with the barest of human emotions. raw, stripped. fresh. there's no barrier to everything. there's no safety. it's just this and that. most of the time, no choices, but you learn to live with them.
here is my inspiration. here is where i think. here is where i see what really lies below everyone. you see the truth, nothing filtered, just that. the truth. you see mixing points of view. you see the world at its finest and its worst. but, most of all, you see you. the real you. and what is inside that real you.
and maybe, that's what we need. something to wake us up from our eternal dreamstate. we may have to force ourselves to do that, to drown our heads down the deep, murky waters of life. it might be hard, but then, who lives a life of lies? who can live in a life of non-reality?
acceptance. then appreciation. then contemplation. and then you move on...
so let go
let go
just get in
it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown |
|
|
| math midterms [some thoughts] |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|09:54 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode, thoughts | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | parasol -tori amos | ] |
talagang failure ako.
but, before all this ranting, thanks to migs for calming me down before hurricane midterms started. it's good to catch up with bestfriends that i miss soooooo much. we can do this, migs! =)
failure talaga. as in.
lesson learned: HUWAG NA MAG-CHECK! as in. yung unang sagot, tama na yun! [bwiseeeeet]
okay, tama na. i'm just ranting to blow off some steam. at ang dami nito.
iba pa rin talaga sa ateneo. kakasabi ko lang kay migs nito kanina: diba, over some time, you grow up influenced by the environment around you. no, ayokong mag-'evolve'. i am completely satisfied with how i view the world and how i walk on it. ayokong dumating ang araw na makita ko ang sarili ko na binabali-wala nalang ang mga bagay, tulad ng nagka-cram before major exams. no, i didn't cram, pero look at the people around me. natatakot ako na, balang araw, magiging ganun ako. yung natutulog sa klase, walang pake sa mga babasahin or hw at nagka-cram 2 minutes before the test. sorry lang, hindi kasi ako mayaman at lumalakwatsa lang kung saan saan. hindi rin naman ako ganun ka-talino. pucha. nakakainis kasi makarinig ng mga "oh my god" pag may nahihirapan [ganun talaga yun, GET USED TO IT!]. sa quesci, hindi ko kailangang mag-cram [yung total cram ha]. kasi arawaraw, acads ang nasa utak. nasa mindset ko na iyon. it's not boring, we even have fun doing it! i don't want to see myself 3 years from now hating academics. that is not me. i'm starting to see the effect of this kind of environment. siyet. naisip ko lang pano kaya pag nag-UP ako? [which is totally impossible, kasi hindi ko nga na-confirm yung aking slot.]. iba pa rin talaga. basta.
ano yung word na sinabi ni gerard nun... ayon: scholarly. ang 'scholarly' ko daw. i remember that time when he kicked me out of 'the wild party' because i wasn't too slutty/bimbo enough for the role, even though i can sing them. masyado daw 'scholarly' ang stance ko. and, most of the time, hindi daw niya ako maintindihan dahil sa mga 'terms' na ginagamit ko. sorry if i'm not a luddite, in terms[haha, pun] of technology and science stuff, or the fact that i refer to fainting as syncope [one of my former castmates literally faints pag may nakitang dugo].
but, despite that, this kind of 'flow' makes me feel stupid. no, that's not it. not just math, but everything. i hate failing. it makes me feel stupid. maybe now you're thinking that i have somekind of complex, but i don't care. i'm competitive, i'm born that way. it makes me want to do better in everything. siguro, for some reverse-psychological reason, kasama doon ang 'failing'. i have to excel in failing, which is what is happening in this time of my life. i know in some point that has to happen, and that there will be no contemplations like this if i'm always on the top. there's this philosophical beauty in the 'breakdown'. pero, bakit sa math pa? noo! i know math. i understand how it works. but, i don't know, carelessness? oo, madalas. pero there's still something that i can't put my finger on.
dadaanin ko nalang siguro sa routine. force myself to do these things. excellence is a habit. kulay itim at mainit [ang corny!]... habit, kasi kailangan, to survive. no, hindi ako magshi-shift. paninindigan ko ito. 5 years. nakakatakot tuloy. parang ang laki-laki ng mundo at ang liit-liit ko. modernist view. pero gusto ko na ang mindset ko ay postcolonial. na kaya kong tahakin ang kahit anong teritoryo ng mundong tinatapakan ko. i want to go back to my old self. hindi ako ganito dati.
but, what do i do? do i have to isolate myself from these people? do i have to not speak or listen? do i have to be selfish? do i need to resist to these environmental 'changes'? i think a psychiatrist would have a field day just asking me these questions and hearing my answers.
siguro nga, ganito ang college. kolehiyo. ang laki-laking salita. sari-sarili. selfish. oo, siguro dapat ganun. to some extent. to be successful, to be heard, you have to be. you don't have to care about anything/anyone else. just you and your goal.
ganun nalang siguro.
selfish.
to care about one's self.
hay. ang buhay nga naman.
and that Seated Woman with a Parasol
maybe the only one you can't betray
if i'm that Seated Woman with a Parasol
i will be safe in my frame... |
|
|
| hell week dos: math failure |
[Jan. 23rd, 2008|11:52 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | worried and excited and tired | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | playboy mommy -tori amos | ] |
last tuesday's math LT is so sad. enlightened, i came out. i am a math failure.
midterms namin tomorrow. oo, sobrang wala na akong pag-asa. dapat maka-C man lang ako. dapat.
kakahatid lang namin [oo, as in kaming lahat] kay JR sa city hall. meron silang SciCamp, sa teacher's camp sa baguio. parang YMCA. natatawa lang ako, kasi sobrang alala ko. i mean, si JR yun, si princess JR yun! si laging-nadadapa at nasusugatan na JR! no, i trust her. babalik yun. [at dapat kasama nya yung mga strawberry at strawberry wine! =)]
and, ang ganda ng saturday ko. dudumugin naming lahat ang NAIA then balik Marikina City Hall. Uwian. whew. *excited*
about that whole yearbook shit... i didn't even know na sa saturday na iyon at may bayad na 350. pakshet naman yan. 350?! sobra naman yun! ano yun, service fee? ginagago ba nila kami?! EH KAMI NGANG MGA GUMAWA, WALANG NAKUHA EH!
okay enough. sad news: RIP Heath Ledger. died last tuesday. pneumonia daw. meron ding reports na drug overdose. i don't know. bless his soul.
sadder news: Shrek is coming to broadway. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?! they take out rent only to replace it with MORE GREEN CHARACTERS?! i think it's time for a broadway-crossover [elphaba! your REAL family awaits!]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABBE! in 10 minutes. =)
goodluck to me sa midterms. 200 points din yun. sa escaler hall. baka mamaya merong some kind ng sabotage [coldcoldCOLD AC!]. may CR naman sa loob ng escaler, hindi ba?
midterms din pala sa lit sa friday. pero, that's lit.
this is math.
bahala na. i'm so sleepy.
worried [for JR and math midterms] and excited [for Papa and JR and the END of hell week dos].
tata.
ps: ***ing hurts. but it's worth it. ;)
pps: but i think ***** is better. hahaha. |
|
|
| Flecci: 3 years and running... |
[Jan. 20th, 2008|06:50 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | art, episode | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | listening to |
| | on the radio -regina spektor | ] |
HAPPY 3 YEARS, GUYS!
click to enlarge
ps: akala ko feb 20. nyeknyeknyek. hahahaha. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
